It's been many years since I have paid any attention to Easter. Being a recovering Catholic, I released all the excess baggage I found unnecessary in that and every religion. I'm very down with love and with Jesus and all the masters- in my perspective, they are all the same one after all- but I myself have no need for external rituals, guilt, or outdated beliefs of any kind. Plus, Easter has been bastardized with awkward levity and sugar along with so many other things in life. Buuuuuut...
Today I had the opportunity to spend the morning alone with my baby. I rarely get to do this because my toddler is always with me and she's at that age where everything is gogogo. Very few moments of silence or stillness- I have to be on all day, basically. So, we cuddled so deliciously and I nursed him for a bit in bed before we got up for the day. We played for a little bit outside on the balcony and enjoyed the cool morning air. Then I put him in his bouncer for a bit to have breakfast and check email.
In my inbox was three days worth of email to skim through. The only thing I really took the time to read was the Easter meditations from Imagine Self. I sat and read them through tears because they touched me in the deepest places within. The meditations urged one to parallel the weekend with that of the events around Easter. Holy Saturday was about entombment. It asked "How do you inwardly bury yourself or parts of yourself?" I was challenged to treat even the most shunned and dastardly parts of myself with reverence and respect. To inwardly anoint them with oils and wrap them in love because they are as precious a part of me as every other part. I have such a hard time with this. Always have been so hard on myself and, consequently, on others. I'm only now starting to clearly see this and understand.
After reading today's meditation about resurrection, I felt inspired. I closed my laptop, took my little one out of his bouncer and we went out for a walk. It's a beautiful Easter Sunday outside... the sun is shining and there is a breeze full of fresh new things blowing. I walked and thought in silence. I thought a lot about resurrection. The meditation asked, "Would we need to tell the story of the Resurrection year after year if we had the inner dead alive in our thoughts, feelings and will?" I believe the answer to that is a big NO. The meditation closed with this thought:
At some time in the future, one by one we will each crystallize these mysteries in our souls and know in every cell, every breath, every waking moment the power of our own resurrection. We will no longer find a sting in death. And the greatest story ever told will no longer need to be spoken because it will live in each of us and we will recognize it in everyone.
This really reminded me of one big truth I have always strongly believed but have fallen to my knees in desperation because of: EVERYTHING STARTS WITH YOU. Jesus just did what he did. And he probably did it with no thoughts of remorse, regret, retribution, or recompense. I have so much of all of these. And, sure, it didn't turn out so great for him but he still carried on because he always knew even in the doubtful moments and the darkest hours that everything would be well. I don't always know that. And so, I fear and retreat. But I want to know it. So much.
I stopped, took a deep breath and listened...
Bring forth all that is YOU. Every nook and cranny of the soul that is you. Don't fear. Don't be stingy with your light. Remember that love is the highest vibration in the world and in its cradle, all fear disintegrates. In the absence of fear you will remember that it never existed and that we are one note vibrating in all its different variations in a magically complex and beautifully written song. Rise up to meet your highest self. Higher and higher every day. It is possible. You are love so everything is possible in you.
Happy Easter, everyone. <3