magical heart doula

Paradise.

Today a woman asked us this question at her community momma circle: What is true for you today?

Having just gotten a text message that interrupted my day and my relaxation amidst a beautiful circle of mommas, I said, "Change."

Right now, change is so prevalent everywhere that it feels like the only truth in the universe. I try to flow with it all and I try to accept that there is nothing we can really hold on to. My toddler seems to grow inches every day and she seems to awaken to something new everyday. My little baby is now sitting up and getting stronger with each passing day. I continue to fluctuate up and down and all around within my period of "momma molting"- my hair falling out, skinny as hell from nursing even though I eat all day, my hormones still all over the place. Every day of the last two months has been out of my routine. And coincidentally people seem to be throwing that Bob Dylan quote around for some reason lately. Yes, the times they certainly are a-changin'. In the micro and macro-ness of it all.

Deanna (Magical Heart Doula) said, "You seem well. You seem to be handling it," as she offered her warm and lovely smile. I really felt that to be true. I honestly felt free of any real attachments to any results and to the emotions attached to whatever comes up. I thought about this on my drive home.

The drive home from the momma groups is a delicious breezy drive over a bridge across the ocean. it was a beautiful and warm day and I drove with all my windows down. I felt so free and light. Feeling the wind helped me feel like I was soaring. My hair was blowing all over the place and my loose shirt was flapping in the wind. I felt like I was flying. At a red light, a bird was soaring over my car and I closed my eyes for a few seconds and felt myself flying with him. It was a blissful moment that brought tears to my eyes. I thought about all the mommas I just left. I thought about all the stages we were all in and how they all morph into each other as we birth, raise our little ones, feel free again, birth again, and again and discover our divine feminine within all of these passages and hold each others' hands through all of it. I thought of that red thread that binds us all together. It felt so good to be a woman at that moment, flying with that bird. Flying above all of it but still feeling everything.

I pressed play on my iPod and "Paradise" began to play. So fitting. I let my hair, my clothes, and my body dance with the wind as I freely sang...

Life goes on It gets so heavy The wheel breaks the butterfly Every tear, a waterfall In the night, the stormy night She closed her eyes In the night, the stormy night Away she'd fly... And dreamed of paradise