With the exception of labor (so far), everything about having babies is soft to me. My body feels so soft, newly spongey and pudgy in certain places and not at all tight and toned like I felt right before my pregnancy. I feel soft all over. As my external body feels soft, so does everything inside. I can imagine my soft little squishy one dancing around in her amniotic fluid, softly hovering over my softening cervix. My thoughts have softened into new places like dreamy journeys with my baby and meditative encounters with a familiar, warm light and soft, otherworldly sounds.
Everything feels soft... including my heart.
My tears flow freely, as I have felt my heart opening like never before. I have suspected heart-openings in many previous life experiences and have actually felt them during my previous pregnancies, but now this softness feels enormous and so, so, so much bigger than me.
While the vulnerability itself is scary, what I am most afraid of is if the opening were to stop. Somewhere between sleepless nights and balancing life, my beloved, children, and school, will things begin to harden again? Like a mantra, the thought of staying soft keeps repeating in my mind. Not only for a more peaceful birth but for a more peaceful life. As I soften, I believe- more and more everyday- that everything begins inside oneself. I want to offer my light and a soft heart to myself and to the world.