Shadowboxer.

A long time ago, I went to visit my husband at his restaurant.  This night in particular was a busy night with many customers, but my eyes quickly turned and focused on one particularly intriguing looking woman with very dark hair and very wise and intense eyes.  I made a few trips to the back and each time I returned to the front, she would look at me intently, with a very deep and knowing gaze.  I wanted to talk to her.  She was curiously magnetic.  But my curiosity soon turned indignant.  I got all flustered and I was all "Why the F is she staring at me like that?" Her and her dining companion came up to us at the counter and gifted us with a DVD called "The Shadow Effect" by some random Debbie Ford.  Was I supposed to know who this person was?  A second later we found out that this random Debbie Ford was the lady with the dark hair and the wise eyes.  Debbie felt like a know it all to me, so I tuned her and and her friend out.  I heard something about "amazing work" and "life changing experiences" but I thought "bla, bla, bla" because I've heard it all before. Or so I thought.

Fast forward a couple of years.  I meet my very dear freakishly intuitive friend who I love and respect very much in the midst of my momma breakdown.  She helped me so much by helping me rediscover my center and myself through meditations, books and other kinds of emotional, soul and physical healing.  The last book she recommended to me was "something to help you with your shadow work," she said.  Shadow work, huh?  It did resonate with me because I know there is so much left to uncover and own within myself. "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" was the title of the book.  I left it on my dresser for a very long time because I was apprehensive to start owning things I felt I still could not- good and bad.  Then I finally decided one day not to put it off anymore and dove in.  It has been so monumental in introducing me to my shadow side and in helping me see things... things that no longer serve me, things that I no longer need to be afraid of, things I could integrate into my life and within and new ways to interpret things and people and more importantly myself.  There is much more to it than just this, but you get the point.  As I've been reading the book and doing the internal work that comes with it, whenever I look up at the moon, I never just see the lit portion.  There is always a dark side to it, even when it's full.  I now realize this is a reflection of all of us.  Every single one of us.  Granted, not all of us want to go there and open that Pandora's Box I call "shadow" (that's not mine though, that's Carl Jung's) and some don't even know it's there even.  But I know I had been shadowboxing for a very long time and knew my soul had been avoiding this and was now asking me to do this work.

Fast forward to very recently where I'm reading the book all cozy in my reading chair and I had wandered off with my thoughts while staring at the cover of the book.  Eeeeeeek! There she was.  Miz Debbie Ford herself.  The author of the book.  Smiling at me with those eyes and that perfectly coiffed dark hair.  I just sat there for the longest time in shock and awe.  I wanted to cry and laugh and shout all at the same time.  I think I did actually, now that I think about it.  I had Debbie Ford- this woman who is unknowingly at the moment helping me in so many ways- right in front of me and my ego pooped all over the opportunity.  I could have talked to her, asked her questions and it probably would have been such a wonderful experience.  But nooooo, I had to project my bitchiness on to her and lost an opportunity to learn from an incredible priestess.

Life is very funny sometimes.