On the eve of our seventh anniversary, we found each other in a warm bath, with our third already doing acrobatic nursing at a mere nine months. Our eyes were tired; our souls were tired. He was looking handsome as ever though, tired as he was. I suddenly became aware of our other children arguing in their playroom. "We used to be people," I said, utterly defeated and exhausted down to my bones.
Lately, I have been very aware of the aging process in my body. New wrinkles in my skin, thinner lips, less hair. And yet my husband still looks youthful. I look at him and I still admire his simple but life-altering inner light and am even more grateful than when we first met about how he keeps me connected to the "otherness" of life.. to those things I know are true but cannot see. Because of him I always have one foot here and the other somewhere far, far away. He reminds me there is more to life than _______ (fill in the blank). That I am more than _______ (fill in the blank.)
I have been hearing about the seven year itch from people. Warnings and such. I understand what could happen to a seasoned relationship and don't believe in an "itch" at any one year. Life is an ebb and flow. It is concave and convex. Ever changing. Standing still for no one, so I don't consider us immune to anything. However, I love this man.
He texted me recently from Whole Foods that someone had followed him around the store because she thought he was Johnny Depp. I was with him another time when that happened at a movie theater. A young girl ran up and fanatically grabbed his arm and yelled, "Oh my GOD!" only to realize- finally up close- that he was just a doppelganger and then apologized profusely. His looks are not lost on me. I still fancy him very much and still think he is one of the most stunning things my eyes have ever seen. But it's more than how he looks that bubbles my insides with so much love for him.
Our relationship continues to surprise me because although time continues to go by, I peel more and more layers into an unknown I never expected. I guess I always had an expectation that normal relationships whither with time but here there is always expansion. This doesn't mean it's always easy but it hopefully means we will continue to journey together, in whatever way we can.
I have found myself often looking at him when he knows I'm not looking, especially lately. I wonder what he still sees in me, now that I often feel like an overtired, overwhelmed student/mother that barely looks up from her phone long enough to hold an intelligent conversation anymore. I think, "I used to be interesting and complex. How does he see me now?" And then, because he always helps me keeps things real, from there I go on to bigger questions about my inner life; the world; the universe; truth. I don't know the answers to any of those questions. I don't know who I'll be tomorrow. Or when I graduate. Or five years from now. Or when our children are bigger. Or when they're out of the house and onto their lives. But I hope I always love him and I hope he always loves me.