A few years ago I had my ass handed to me by someone I knew. Apparently, I was always late and when I was really late I wouldn't even call. I didn't realize it annoyed her so much. Much less did I realize it pretty much communicated that my time was somehow more important than anyone else's. Furthermore, as a new mother her schedule was pretty unpredictable and had to count on knowing what times things were going to happen. If I had her in front of me today, I would thank her profusely because she did me a tremendous favor. Ever since then, I have been very mindful of time and am rarely late. And if I am going to be late for any reason, I ALWAYS call. The thing is I was really hurt about it. Sure, the way she said it was unnecessarily mean but I always expected that from her so that wasn't the hurtful part. The truth was what hurt. Why?
I've been asking myself this today because for the second time in less than a week I kindly and gently asked two friends of mine to please be more mindful of their time because they are always late. Not just minutes. Sometimes hours. And sometimes no phone calls. It was important enough for me to say something because I value my time with them and I love seeing all my friends so it was frustrating to me that I would set time aside to be there- wherever there was- and would end up just waiting. And now with a baby, knowing I am going to have some adult time is almost too exciting to handle so when I'm left watching the clock, I not only get annoyed but I get sad too thinking it's going to be cut way short or not even happen at all. They took it really well but both mentioned being hurt, even though I was careful to stay calm and not be a jerk. On some level even though they didn't KNOW they were doing this they are surely aware of it just as I was- thus the hurt feelings. And this I believe is so because we know ourselves. We know the truth of who we are. Even in the deepest pit of denial, we know ourselves completely and know what we do, say, and think.
So... why does the truth hurt so much?
The truth is obvious. It's there. Everyone is aware of it. So, why is it such a big deal to bring it up and talk about it? And why does it HURT? Why is it such a difficult thing to speak our truths and just say "hey, this isn't working out for me?"
I'll hand it to that friend of mine who did me that favor so many years ago- she was very ready to talk about anything. Even the things that people usually talk about or complain about behind someone's back. She put it all out there. Maybe there's something in the birthing process that makes you incapable of any more B.S. or pussyfooting or of letting time just waste away because I feel the same way now. And it's not that I'm saying I'm ready to take the world on about mistakes and shortcomings. It's not about that at all. Let me just say this: when you have something to say it should always be respectful, honest and kind. When it comes back around it will probably be received in the same package you sent it out in. As long as people come to me this way, I am ready to receive some schooling about myself as well. Sometimes, even though we know ourselves, we don't SEE ourselves. So bring it on, I say!
I welcome becoming a better person, mother, friend, wife, daughter, citizen and the truth will be the way.