A good cry.

A few years ago I was home alone with an unwillingness to do anything so I turned the tv on and caught the second half of an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode.  That show is usually too predictable and boring in my humble opinion(although I do think the Deborah/Marie dynamic is hilarious) and I usually skip it over but this one was so funny.   In it, Ray thought there was something wrong with Deborah when he came home unexpectedly early from something one day and caught a glimpse of Deborah on the living room sofa sobbing while listening to the theme of Ice Castles.  So, he went about this huge production of trying to help her feel better while trying not to be too obvious about it.  Deborah realized something was up so she asked Ray what was going on and he fessed up. Ray: "I saw you crying the other day when you were home by yourself while listening to the theme to Ice Castles!"

And she goes on to explain that nothing was the matter.  That sometimes women just need a good cry.  Which he of course didn't get.

There has never been a time that I have understood that more than after I became a mother.  I have always believed crying periodically cathartic but now it's pretty much absolutely necessary.  In the times when I don't understand what is going on inside me or around me, I just put on a good song and cry.  There is so much we can do as mothers yet so much out of our grasp and still more we shouldn't do.  So, what then?  A tearful release always helps me.

Except for me, it's Joni Mitchell's Circle Game.  Or a Cat Stevens song.

I cant tell you how many times my husband has come home from work to find me in tears.  When he asks me what is wrong, the only explanation I have is, "I don't know."  After the heavy feelings and after all the crying, I usually feel great and usually have a hearty happy laugh about my blubbering self.

At the end of that episide, Ray tries to cry while home alone one day to try to understand Deborah.  So he plays the theme from Ice Castles and pushes out a funny forced cry.  Then he gives up and puts on Lady Marmalade and starts dancing around the living room.  Ah, men.  :)