Women's Wisdom

Woman do you know...?

Woman do you know...

that it's perfectly okay to be angry and show it? to be insecure and vulnerable and show it? to look for a safe space for where to collapse because it's okay to collapse.

that it's okay to speak the truth even when no one around you wants to hear it. to fiercely stand in your truth and in your grace- unrelentingly so. to drop everything to follow only that with integrity and soul. to follow your bliss.

that it's okay to act like a man if and when you may want to. to feel larger than life and screech with joy about it- loud and clear. to own every bit of your space that you have carved out for yourself with every cell in your body. and that it's okay to love and celebrate your woman-ness.

that it's okay to want time alone. to not want to give. to say "I can't stand my kids." to feel, "I can't stand my partner." to want to runaway to a quiet space in nature where it's just you and the silence. to want to laugh, dance, sway, cry, shake, express your whole self in your aloneness in any way your moment moves you.

that it's okay to bleed. not just okay... it is a gift and a privilege. and a responsibility that calls us in to do the work every day. it's okay to call in sick, but the work is never done. it's okay to celebrate your blood for its magic. to be excited for your blood to come. to intimately connect with it in a way that fills you and reminds you of your priestess roots.

that it's okay to unearth taboos. to not continue to put them away in a forgotten corner of your life. to realize that to keep turning away from exploring them is to deny growth.

that it's okay to welcome the years, the wrinkles, the greys, and the scars with as much enthusiasm as you greet a sister.

Basically, it's okay to WHATEVER. YOU. WANT.

Because the rules you've been living by- the smallness you feel- are someone else's. NOT yours.

Check your baggage at the door and join the party. and remember who and what you are.

Allow full emergence. grace and grit. you will love what you find.

Pure magic.

<3

Paradise.

Today a woman asked us this question at her community momma circle: What is true for you today?

Having just gotten a text message that interrupted my day and my relaxation amidst a beautiful circle of mommas, I said, "Change."

Right now, change is so prevalent everywhere that it feels like the only truth in the universe. I try to flow with it all and I try to accept that there is nothing we can really hold on to. My toddler seems to grow inches every day and she seems to awaken to something new everyday. My little baby is now sitting up and getting stronger with each passing day. I continue to fluctuate up and down and all around within my period of "momma molting"- my hair falling out, skinny as hell from nursing even though I eat all day, my hormones still all over the place. Every day of the last two months has been out of my routine. And coincidentally people seem to be throwing that Bob Dylan quote around for some reason lately. Yes, the times they certainly are a-changin'. In the micro and macro-ness of it all.

Deanna (Magical Heart Doula) said, "You seem well. You seem to be handling it," as she offered her warm and lovely smile. I really felt that to be true. I honestly felt free of any real attachments to any results and to the emotions attached to whatever comes up. I thought about this on my drive home.

The drive home from the momma groups is a delicious breezy drive over a bridge across the ocean. it was a beautiful and warm day and I drove with all my windows down. I felt so free and light. Feeling the wind helped me feel like I was soaring. My hair was blowing all over the place and my loose shirt was flapping in the wind. I felt like I was flying. At a red light, a bird was soaring over my car and I closed my eyes for a few seconds and felt myself flying with him. It was a blissful moment that brought tears to my eyes. I thought about all the mommas I just left. I thought about all the stages we were all in and how they all morph into each other as we birth, raise our little ones, feel free again, birth again, and again and discover our divine feminine within all of these passages and hold each others' hands through all of it. I thought of that red thread that binds us all together. It felt so good to be a woman at that moment, flying with that bird. Flying above all of it but still feeling everything.

I pressed play on my iPod and "Paradise" began to play. So fitting. I let my hair, my clothes, and my body dance with the wind as I freely sang...

Life goes on It gets so heavy The wheel breaks the butterfly Every tear, a waterfall In the night, the stormy night She closed her eyes In the night, the stormy night Away she'd fly... And dreamed of paradise

12.12.12

I may lose a few of you here, but I've always written for myself first. Gratefully, other mothers have expressed appreciation for my writing and have connected with me on many levels so it has fulfilled one of its major purposes besides being completely self-indulgent. Not everyone believes in the same things obviously (such a beautiful part of life, no?), but I write about what I believe and what I know so here goes... Yesterday was 12.12.12, a day that a few years ago held a lot of significance for me but had been put on the back-burner along with my spiritual practices, books, meditation, yoga, and other things very dear to my heart. I went about my day yesterday as if nothing huge was occurring subtly and globally. I didn't even realize it was 12.12.12 until late afternoon and things about my day started coming together in my mind.

For a few weeks now, everyone in my home has been ill in some form or another- sore throats, flus, stomach flus, headaches, etc. We've been taking turns and recycling them, it seems. While it's never fun to be sick, in my home we consider it a blessing in disguise. We believe our bodies are getting out the uglies and shifting things around for the better- physically and energetically. As of last night, three of us were in a deep, full-fledged, achey-body cold. And we rarely get sick. Especially my husband who has the immune system of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He hasn't had a cold in years. So, for the three of us to be sick at the same time and for so long made me take notice.

Yesterday was also a big day for both of us individually. We set some actions into motion to begin new phases of our lives. Some big deal stuff. So by the afternoon when I was taking stock of our day and everything else lately, I realized a "quickening" really was occurring in our little space in the world and in the universe at large, simultaneously. Mystics and yogis and many others of countless different faiths have been paying attention to the ascencion that has been occurring from 1.1.01 to 12.12.12. It's what we believe in my circle and it is important to us because of what it all means- we will all be tuning into a high frequency, a way of living guided by our hearts and some long overdue global changes for the betterment of humanity and life on earth. 12.12.12 was the last of the energy downloads blasted upon us and it's now time to release everything that keeps us vibrating at a lower frequency. Everything. It's time to soar.

When I realized everything that was occurring to us on this day and what day it was, I was completely awestruck. I was humbled into silence for a while. You can take the girl out of the cosmic karma, but you can't take the cosmic karma out of the girl! Everything I had let take a backseat to raising my children and indulging in the difficulties of being a mother called to me and demanded my attention again. I was grateful to still feel part of the mystery; to feel Spirit so close to our lives. I believe the upgrade is happening- to all of us- whether we want to acknowledge it or not. I believe we are stepping into the fifth dimension and into new ways to experience life... I had just forgotten it for a while.

This morning I woke up earlier than everyone else. My achey body walked over to the iPod docked on the speaker and I went to my goto mantras: RaMaDaSa for healing and the Gayatri for well- everything, pretty much. It felt nice to be in that still space again. I hadn't been there as fully and whole-heartedly as I had this morning in a very. long. time.

The Age of Aquarius is feeling good so far :)

Revolution.

Tonight, taking some very wise words to heart, I went to a long overdue New Moon women's circle.  The last time I went to one I was about as pregnant as I am now but with my first little one which I thought was SO great.  And it was again led by Gina the divine powerhouse.  Gina and the circle both helped me remember that the simplest things create revolution.  I always think I am lacking in this respect and feel that I have to DO something or BE someone that is more present, more outspoken, more vocal, more this or that or whatever.  When really, when it comes down to it, I realize my life is revolutionary in and of itself.  No bullhorns, no banners, just the things I do while I breathe in and out all day are a catalyst for change.

How so?

I don't accept anything just because it's "how things are done."  I constantly ask questions.  I make my own rules based on my intuition and what I feel is my inner wisdom.  I think for myself.  And while I may feel fear about doing things differently, I don't remain afraid and I push through the chasm of the unknown.

Revolution is important to me because I believe MORE than change is needed.  I think we need more unknown and more out of the box-ness.  Actually, there is no effing box.  So... I do what I do.

I didn't birth in a hospital.  I have tattoos.  I pierced my nose. I appreciate my period and don't plug it with a tampon.  I changed my name for no overwhelming reason.  I've been vegan and vegetarian and raw and I even broke with that unconvention and went back to being an omnivore.  A socially conscious omnivore.  THAT is a revolution-  the movement in a circular course... back to the beginning but wiser for the journey.  I unschool my kid.  I didn't need a paper or a church to call my soul mate my husband.  Instead we live happy and free as we see fit and write our own rules every day.  Oh yeah and we actually like and respect each other.  I don't own a microwave.  I don't wear makeup.  We don't drink alcohol.  I only drink out of glass bottles.  I only turn on my A/C at night.  We own one TV that we rarely turn on.  I don't watch the news.  I don't believe there is a difference between Republicrats and Demicans so I don't bother with politics.  I don't frequent malls.  I broke with all organized religion.  I don't have casual sex.  My friends all embrace their quirk and love themselves.  My soul is greatly fed by being in nature.  I speak my truth always.  I do yoga.  I follow the seasons.  I follow the moon.  I don't bombard my body with acceptable chemical mixtures also known as "beauty products" and some "food".  I don't see an allopathic doctor.  I don't want to "keep up with the Kardashians."  I love to read.  I am not in relationships with friends or otherwise that I "have to make work".  I do things that feel good and make sense.  I don't take aspirin or ibuprofen for headaches.  I use herbs.  I don't wear high heels every day because I like my back.

I'm not saying anyone has to do what I do like I do it.  I do it all because it's important to ME.  All of this makes me feel happy and free.  And I hope you're doing what makes you feel happy and free too.  In the end, that simple thing IS WHAT IS revolutionary.

On conversations, womanhood, and some other things.

This morning my dear friend Jodi and I talked (over two delicious bottles of Jugo Fresh) about the importance of initiating and engaging in certain conversations.  The one we were having had nothing to do with this but I'm mentioning it because more conversations about this need to be initiated. On the way to meet Jodi, I was listening to NPR and happened to catch a show discussing the media's bashing of Ashely Judd.  The media has recently been on her case about a picture that came out where her face was very puffy, calling her "old, fat and mangled by plastic surgery" but also more recently on her case about the op-ed piece she wrote in response to the wave of criticism.  That I heard, there was one pro-Ashely voice who was sounding off in the same vein Ashely did and one con saying some pretty silly things like "She is a celebrity.  Her body is the public's.  She put herself in that position so why is she complaining? blablabla...."

I am not here to say women have it so hard and men don't because... or women deserve this and that more than men because... or anything like that.  But I deeply appreciate what Ashely did.  First of all, it stripped her of her celebrity status and proved she is just a person whose body and life is her own.  It proved she does have the right to complain because even though she sought fame and fortune through acting, she did not forgo the right to an opinion or to elucidate grievances.  And most of all I just love that she spoke up for the inane ways people incorrectly judge others and spew vitriol without having any idea about a person's real thoughts, words, intentions or emotions.  Women have to deal with that a great deal- from themselves, from other women and from men because of the deeply rooted misogyny we have all come to live in and accept.  I want no part of it.  I have heard women actually say this: "I wish I could leave the house without a drop of makeup on."  To which I have replied, "So, do it."  Their response (every time):  something to the effect of, "NO, NO.  I couldn't possibly do that!!! Oh, nooooo" followed by a nervous laugh.  Women WISH they could leave the house without make up on but they don't because they fear the judgment and scrutiny of others.  I don't know about you but I find that very, very sad.

During the show, the pro-Ashley woman talked about how important it was to break the cycle and not only learn to love ourselves completely, however and whoever we are, but to teach our children to do the same.  She went on to say that it has taken a great deal of effort to stop staring at herself at bath time in front of the mirror and say things like, "My God, I look terrible today," or "I am so ooooooold," or "I wish I was 21 again" and I think she is absolutely right to do so.  Even simple things like that start to plant seeds of self-doubt in the smallest of children.  It is this unrelenting patriarchal society that has brought us to low points such as the tv show "The Swan", "Girls Gone Wild 1 - 500", female infanticide and mutilation and the turning down of a size 12 plus sized model because she is "too fat."

Sitting here thinking about all the beliefs and judgments I have had to let go of throughout the course of my life, I feel somewhat angry but mostly relieved to not feel that kind of anxiety towards certain things anymore.  I look back and am just wide-eyed with awe at some of the things I picked up along the way through friends, adults, teachers, parents, etc etc, whom I all trusted as ever-wiser than me without any real merit of said trust sometimes.  I always thought I could only go so far because I was a Latin girl.  I always wanted boys so that they could take care of me in my old age.  I didn't typically outwardly express any desires to be anything too lofty because since I was a girl it would "sound silly."  I never tried out for sports although they looked fun to me because I "wasn't good at them" (not that I ever really tried one).  I was sure every Indian person in the world smelled funny.  I thought all black people were to be pitied because they ALL were dirt poor, came from the projects, and subsisted on welfare.  I thought all Jews were wiping their bums with Ben Franklin.  I thought all Mexicans were alcoholics.  I believed I was to never be wealthy. I was certain all men were strong enough to lift a car over their head.  And since all women were to be buxom, bum-some and beautiful, I always felt inappropriate in my thin, non-curvy body.  Even now when I leave the house with unkempt hair and not makeup and I see a tall, designer-clad, completely made-up "beauty", I sometimes have this knee-jerk reaction: "Geez, I could have spent a little more time on myself before I left the house, huh?"  I laugh now, but WOW at all the things I accepted as truth just because something or someone else told me it was.

What am I trying to say with all of this?  Just that women are sacred as all of life is sacred.  It's time we start treating every aspect of it as such.

The return of the Wild Woman.

This morning, the first thing I thought about when I woke up was a very funny memory from my high school days. When I was in high school, a few guys from our brother school would take a drive over to our campus, put paper bags over their heads and run bare ass naked across our lawn, in plain view of many, many of our classroom windows and outside lunch area.  It happened every year on Columbus Day and it always caused such a stir.  Our school was an all-girl Catholic high school run by nuns.  It was the type of school that was driven by money, red tape, and hypocrisy.  And RULES.  Goodness, the rules.  It seemed that every year the rules just kept piling up.  Vice Principal Nun (I can't remember her name right now) actually walked around with a ruler to measure our skirts.  If it was higher than one inch above the knee we were given a detention.  Since I've always looooooooooved rules, I had my skirt halfway up my cheeks so I was in detention very often.

Anyway, this "Streaking Day" caused a ruckus for the faculty because they would always try to prevent the guys from doing it or catch them.  Year after year, the guys kept exposing themselves and year after year they would totally get away with it.  I heard one particularly hypocritical and very young teacher say once that she could not believe that those good Catholic boys over at that all-boy high school run by priests "could do such a thing".  This teacher was just out of college!  Remembering all of this now makes me laugh so much.  Not only was this NOT corrupting us "good girls", but we reveled in it!  We would run to the windows to get a good look and have a jolly ogle and a great laugh.  And the guys had even more fun.  Running as fast as they could, slapping their butt cheeks and waving their arms about all crazy.  It was all fun.

There's more to all of that though.  And I realized it this morning when the memory came to me.  As institutionalized as we were at both schools, we refused to have the Wild beat out of us.  And so, the boys ran naked through our field and we ran to the windows to glare. With pleasure.

I can't tell you how many times in the last 6 months I've wished we lived in a naked world.  When I would go outside and get sun on my breasts to heal my nipples on my not so private lawn, people would walk by and just FLIP OUT.  Don't they have a pair of nipples, too?  But I wished it not only to be able to do such a simple thing as healing, but to just be able to run naked through a field at midday and feel the sun on my entire body and then throw myself on the ground and feel Earth under every inch of my skin.  To travel the earth barefoot like Michael Franti.  These thoughts made me realize Wild Woman was being awakened.  I can't really say "re-awakened" because I don't know if I have ever allowed her to come through before. Maybe I had an inkling of wilness when I was a child... before the systematic beat-it-out-of-you boxing in of lives began.

I've never taken well to rules or authority.  And now even less.  Now I am wondering how to teach my daughter to live in this world in some kind of proper manner but not succumb to it so as to not lose her originality or authenticity.  If I teach her the only way I've known how to balance between these two, she'll be offending a lot of people- as I have.  My entire life I've asked myself after many situations, "Should I have been more proper or any less passionate?"

The answer has always been a crystal clear "NO. ABSOLUTLEY NOT."

A friend recently told me a story about her amazing little 4 year old son who was with her in the lobby of a building waiting for the elevator.  The doors opened to pick them up and they both walked in.  She found it odd that he didn't say hello to the people in the elevator as they walked in because he is always very sunny and social.  Later in the day, she said to him, "Son, you have to say hello to everyone always.  It's not polite and not very nice to not say hello."

To which he responded, "Mama, it's also not nice or polite to lie.  I did not feel like saying hello because I was not happy.  I think it's not right to make me fake being happy."

And I think that pretty much sums it up.  I think our culture is very used to force-fed beliefs and living inauthentically.  I tried having this conversation today with my mom and since she's from the old school, she ended the conversation very abruptly with this comment "You are so rude."  I saw it coming.  Every time I have this conversation I just want to SCREAM or if I'm in a better mood bust out start singing Cat Stevens... "If you want to sing out, sing out."  I reminded her that while these things are rude in her world, they make perfect sense in mine and that we didn't have to convince each other that either of us was right because the world is big enough to fit all of it.  And I do believe that.  The world is immense and has space for a lot.  But at the present moment, my Wild Woman feels a little suffocated by this world's culture.

If I may wax metaphysical for a brief moment, I think most of us are fed up with things as they are.  I think our Wilds are looking for their own Elysian Fields.  I doubt they all look the same.  I'd actually be disappointed if they did.  Just don't be surprised if once a year I run naked through yours.  :)