New Year.

There are a few things I always do on New Year's Eve/New Year's Day... 1. Watch "When Harry Met Sally"

2. journal (or in this case blog) while I listen to a great playlist which always starts with Bette Midler's version of "What are you doing New Year's Eve?"

3. meditate

4. Set intentions for the upcoming year

I don't like saying "make new year's resolutions" because the word "resolutions" gives me a picture of people trying to do things that never actually happen like "lose weight", "ask that guy out", "dump that loser", or "make more money". Maybe those things don't happen because spoken so casually and lackadaisically they lack true intention and specificity. I've made plenty of resolutions that have been forgotten by the end of January so now I choose to set intentions.

So, what are these intentions I speak of?

There are always so many. The question becomes more "how do I narrow down what I want to focus on this year?" It took some time to decide but the top 3 are:

1. Open my heart more. Think with my heart. Accept and surrender.

2. Nurture friendships.

3. Concentrate on my temple's physical aspects- yoga, belly-dancing, and movement galore!

*** Sidenote: I love that the repetitive lyrics to the song I'm currently listening to are "Why would you play by the rules?" !!!!!! ***

For 1, I realize that having children has put me in a more anxious state. I have forgotten how to drop down into the space of silence and trust. The place of the simple "I am." The place where my heart understands and is at-oned with the mysteries of this universe. It's ironic because at the same time my heart has been monumentally thrust open with the presence and love of my children, it has also been severely neglected in other ways. I have found it hard to find time to journal, to sit in nature, to fill it with it's favorite nurturing yummies and I'm starting to see and feel the effects of that.

I can see how its affected my life because I have seriously dropped into the illusion of "me" and "them." It feels as if the duality dial has been turned to ludicrous speed, especially lately. I feel intolerant of nearly everyone and feel that at the same time I am wanting more compassion, love, and understanding from others, I have been unwilling to fully give that myself. As my sweet friend Gina reminded me the other day, "you have to hold the vibration of that which you are wanting." I feel judgmental of everyone and everything and have allowed myself to use the tip of my tongue for creating things a bit lower than for the highest good. I am not perfect; certainly it could happen again. But I am aware and would love to see a clearer me emerging this year. I am soul-tired of not letting things flow and not accepting people and things just as they are. I am tired of feeling everything external is not enough. And I am absolutely exhausted of fighting my family. My friend Ganesha reminded me of a great point the other day: irradiated or not, crystals that cOme into your space are for a purpose and for your highest good. This goes for people too!

So, heart- I am coming for you. Peacefully... but still coming for you, I am.

For 2, I need my friends. Simple as that. I just NEED them. I welcome new ones into my life if that is to be but whatever the case is, I want deeper friendships. I want to know the people I know more and I want a deep friendship to emerge. One where I can share ME in its entirety. To share days with the kids and feelings and trips and the messiness of life.  I'm not afraid anymore. I turned a corner.

For 3, throughout my entire life I have always moved. I have always danced in some way or another. Ballet, jazz, tap, modern dance, salsa, belly-dancing, yoga (not a dance but it kind of IS). For three years now I haven't been able to dedicate myself to this which I adore so much. But my children have all arrived and they are happy and healthy little ones so it's time to begin to come back to myself more. Bit by bit. This is one of the bits I want to start with. I started yoga once a week again a few weeks ago and in a couple of months I'll be back to my advanced belly-dancing class. It will mean all the more to me now after learning so much about the history of women, the history of where we are really from, the truths of the universe and connections to Mother Earth.

*** Sidenote: I'll also continue to knit and crochet my way into a zen state and write more too, but that's a given. ***

I stand in my resolve so that I can be a better woman and so I can grow my soul. For my family, for my friends, for my community, for my world. I evolve so we can ALL continue to evolve into who we are. To who we always were and always will BE.

Happy New Year! Light and love to all of you. In lakesh a laken. <3