Waiting.

The other day while reading Dr. Seuss to my little one, something dawned on me. "You can get so confused that you'll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

... for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting FOR THEIR HAIR TO GROW.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting."

I closed the book and began to pace... I realized I was in the Waiting Place!

Life had just served me with a large plate of objective truth.  I was IN the Waiting Place.  And I have been in the waiting place since I gave birth to my little one.  It's such a humbling thing to receive such insight- especially from a children's book.  The great thing about that is that when your realize you're in that place, there is nothing to do but to leave it and move on with life.  Ever since my little one was born I have been waiting for the next big thing, the next phase, more freedom, more flexibility, more normalcy, and on and on and on.  I would always think to myself, "When she turns 6 months, I'll be able to..." and "When she turns 1 year old, I will..." and so on.  And with those excuses I have stopped my entire life because I became unwilling (happily unwilling) to think about myself and my desires.  Why?  Because I still have this judgment that at 34 you're not supposed to be discovering yourself STILL, you're supposed to have it all figured out and "be ahead of the game."  Well, guess what?  I am far behind.  As far as societal standards go.  Am I a bit confused and lost sometimes?  Yes.  But am I happy with my life, in whatever way it shows up?  Yes!  So, what is all this waiting for?  I have put so much on hold, putting these excuses on my little girl.  I can't travel because... I can't go out at night because... I can't go dancing because... Enough.  It won't "get easier WHEN...", if I want it to be easy it will be NOW.  I know that I won't be any kind of mom if I keep acting like the sacrificial lamb.  Loving me doesn't mean I love my husband or my little one any less.  It is time I fully exit the cocoon I made for myself so long ago.  There is nothing to be afraid of.

"Somehow I've escaped all this waiting and staying. I found the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more I'll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"

I think everyone should have a daily dose of Dr. Seuss.

:)