For the last few days I have been wondering why my little girl can't be without me for even a minute. She's okay if I leave her with a caregiver for a couple of hours once in a blue moon, but if I'm in the room and she's not in my arms or pressed up against me somehow, she's crying and upset. I admit, it's been annoying me a bit. So, I started asking myself, "Does she need to eat more? Less? Does she need more stimulation? Less? Do I get her some more wooden toys?" I went through a thousand different scenarios in my head and asked a thousand questions.
I texted a momma friend of mine in Atlanta. We used to hang out when she lived here but she moved away, so we text each other with questions, complaints and when we're delirious at any and all hours of the day/night. It's great to have women like this- available to support you in this way and vice versa. So, I told her what was going on and she nailed it. So simple: "Just hold her more." And right at that moment, I realized she was right. I rewinded back to the last couple of months and I realize I've been trying to DO and BE so much aside from mothering that I think at times I've missed what's right in front of me. I sit at the computer as she's playing with toys on the area rug but after a few minutes when she gets bored of that and wants mommy time but haven't realized that's what it is I sit there thinking "I wonder what's up with her?" I wasn't getting it.
And of course now the little voice in my head yells "Bad mother!" but the voice of true wisdom within trumps that voice with a commanding "Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start all over again." Hooray for second chances. And hooray for help. I don't mean to isolate myself, but I always tend to forget that help comes in many different and beautiful forms so I forget to ask for it.
The most amazing thing was how easy it was to satisfy her needs. She was asking for more time and attention from me... that is all. So, I ditched the stroller today and we took a walk with the Ergo. Tiring? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. She was touching all the leaves that hung low enough to reach and smiled up at me every few minutes. It wasn't as long as our stroller walks because my gorda is getting heavy but it was what we both needed: heart to heart time (literally). We arrived back home, she nursed for a few minutes and has been napping peacefully for an hour so far. It's the simple things...
Not toys, not gadgets, not anything. Just momma.