When right feels wrong.

I got a great night's sleep last night!  I am so grateful because it's been quite a bit.  I woke up feeling like a new person.  I forgot what sleeping well felt like. Aaaaaaahhhhhh.... In the beginning, my little one was sleeping at least five hours a night.  Then suddenly for a few days she began waking every hour and then leveled off at every two hours.  After a while of that, I started looking into the baby whisperer books (eek!) and other sleep training methods (aak!).  I even started listening to moms that told tales of letting their babies cry for a month and then- voila- their babies started sleeping through the night.  I was actually entertaining all of these thoughts- just as I had a few months ago regarding breastfeeding- because I was looking for an out, despite the fact that it all felt counterintuitive TO ME. It's important to add this "to me" because I understand everyone has their way.  I was just desperate for rest!  But then I came to my senses; I came back to being at peace with what I believe is right and let the baby keep feeding on demand.  And what do you know?  The moment I surrendered, I got a good night's sleep.

Why is it that I know life's simple rules but I always seem to forget them?

I respect every momma's wishes and methods.  Admittedly, I didn't use to. When I became pregnant, I was going to be a perfect super mommy. I used to be very judgmental towards mothers who didn't breastfeed and mothers who "couldn't control their children" during temper tantrums out in public.  I always said things like "have to" and "must" in reference to those topics.  Only now after all my experiences was I able to let all that go.  I know there is no absolute right and wrong, but there are certain things I believe are more right and wrong FOR ME.  These things that I believe in have been so challenged these last few months and I have been so tried and tested.  Sometimes, people make you feel so wrong about what you're doing.  And sometimes, the argument is so compelling that you stop to think maybe you ARE wrong.  But you're not.  And I'm not.  We all have our instincts that are true to who we are and how we live our lives.  I guess I'm writing this to remind myself that it's okay to be different and not raise my baby the same way everyone else is just because that's what has been done up to now and because that is what everyone else wants.

I personally can't imagine letting my baby cry to sleep.  I can't imagine not feeding my baby on demand.  Plenty of people can and do, but I won't.  And that's okay.  I believe that now is the time- now, when I am home and can give her all my time and focus- to nurture her and love her without limits in these ways.  Inevitably, life will move me away from that because she will stop asking for it as much and I will stop having the time for it as well.  It just happens and that's okay too.

For now, the lovefest continues...