This morning I woke up, happily squeezed my juice out of a very plump and vibrant orange, and sat at my desk to check my emails. I took a moment to look around my desk and saw that on top of the mail bin was the latest Oceania Cruises brochure- "European Traveler." I leafed through it and took in all the amazing cruises and then I stopped at this long and incredibly wonderful voyage that starts in Venice, then goes on to Dubrovnik, Santorini, Ephesus, Taormina, Amalfi/Positano, Rome, Florence, Tuscany, Monte Carlo, St. Tropez, Marseille and ends in Barcelona. My head was spinning. A trip like that feels like the furthest thing from my life right now. I thought about being out in the Mediterranean Sea on a lounge chair sipping an ice-cold lemonade under the sun as I scrubbed crayon marks off the side of the kitchen counter and while making breakfast for my little one and I. A deep heavy sigh ensued. As she was eating her eggs, I went back to my email and scanned through the usual junk mail- lots of people offering me 20% off of something I don't need and the EWG asking me to donate money. And then I opened one of my favorites of my inbox: the Jetsetter destinations. Another fabulous hotel in The Maldives offering luxury, relaxation and discounted prices for Jetsetter bookers. Deeper sigh...
I felt kinda bummed about it. I haven't traveled in a very long time. My friends keep asking me to go visit them in their house in the Mayan Riviera. It would be a fairly simple trip and fun I'm sure but I don't think I'd enjoy the possible hassle of traveling with a toddler. For some, it's a blink and a song. I just have a hunch it wouldn't be that for me. Plus, I'd rather save our money for when our kids can really enjoy it and squeeze significantly valuable cultural, educational and other memorable juice out of our destinations. And yes... I do want to travel alone with my husband, but I also want my children along with us to see the spectacular places in this world.
Feeling heavy-hearted about being landlocked for possibly another two years or so, I got ready for our appointment with our midwife today. My little one was so excited to see her she yelled her name out first thing in the morning and- in her pajamas- put on her shoes and waited by the door. I always get excited to see her too, but today I was feeling more along the vein of "Okay, another baby. We're doing this. Again."
By the time we got there, I was more cheerful. She's always so great to be around and is always so excited about every baby and momma she takes care of. Every single one. Every time! It's absolutely incredible and something I love and value about her immensely. By the time we heard the baby's heartbeat- strong and steadfast- I had put aside Croatia, South Male Atoll and Bali. "It's okay," I thought to myself. Because it pretty much has to be and because well... it just is.
There is so much to complain about when it comes to the ins and outs of being a mom. I certainly do my share of it. I constantly compare the length of time it used to take to read a book as opposed to now. And how I can't wear white. And how tired I am. And how sexual impulses feel like faded memories. And how MUCH I WANT TO TRAVEL AGAIN. I'm not going to pretend that hearing my baby's heartbeat makes all the changes feel better forever, but today I feel good. :)