It's been pretty smooth sailing with our little one lately. I've felt like I can handle anything and that I am a respectful, loving and attentive mother. And then there was yesterday.
She said NO to everything. She cried for anything. She nursed every few minutes. And the one time I had had enough of the constant nursing late in the afternoon, I told her "no nursing right now" and she FA-REAKED OUT. I wanted to try to have her nap without the boob which is possible if we take her for a walk, but in this sweltering heat, she doesn't want to go out in her stroller and I don't blame her. So, I tried taking her to our bed and rubbing her back or her arms but it didn't work. All she wanted was a boob. After a while, I thought I was in too deep and had to stand my ground for discipline's sake. But she kept screaming her head off. I got so agitated and confused about what to do that I put her in her crib and walked out. Her cries sounded like a wailing banshee. It became too much for me to handle, so I picked her up and nursed her. She was asleep within two minutes.
I'm starting to get worried about the weaning process. Some babies I know have just naturally left the breast little by little. I thought when she would start walking she would forget it a bit more but that's when major teething began so she actually started nursing more. I thought Gymboree would help but that thought was quickly erased from my mind when at her first Play and Learn class she did a u-turn towards me in the middle of an activity to tug at my shirt.
I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by this whole nursing bit. It wouldn't be so bad if it was scheduled or not as often as it was. But it seems like every hour she nurses several to many times. Even though sometimes it's only for a minute, I still have to stop what I'm doing to nurse because she tugs at my leg, yells and screams until she gets it. Have I created a bad habit? I'm not sure. Because so many attachment parenting books say you should be completely accessible to your child for whatever his/her needs are. And some books I've read have said that behavior like hers is a clear sign of nursing/eating addiction.
I know I'm not supposed to pay attention to books and listen to my own inner voice. Usually I do, but I'm so exasperated that I'm reluctant to listen to the possibly biased voice inside telling me to wean. Now.
It's days like these that I feel like I have NO idea what I'm doing.