I was introduced via Twitter to a new mom-to-be's blog who began writing for catharsis. I totally get it. I started writing my blog postpartum for that same reason and here I am- two and a half years later... still needing healing albeit in different ways than how I used to. Every time I encounter a new mom I'm somewhere in between screaming "run for your life!" and cooing "it's the most wonderful thing in the world" while offering a sweet smile. And I truly mean both of these highly emotional statements at the moment they are uttered, even though they sometimes come with just a moment's pause in between. Welcome to motherhood :) Today has been a very emotional day. Whether it's the pregnancy hormones or just the plethora of chaotic things that seem to be going on all around me, I feel sad and tired and have just wanted to be under the covers all day but, of course, unable to because toddlers don't find naps or laying down to be any fun at all. As my day winded down and we got ready for bath time, we all undressed and waited for the tub to fill up. I was revisiting my day in my mind and wondering why my toddler's been so attached to me all day. She was nursing every second she got (which reminded me of Faith Ploud- Miami's go-to lactation guru- and her words of wisdom when I asked her, "How do I wean her when I'm ready?" She simply said, "Don't sit down.") and when I wasn't sitting, she was clinging on to one of my legs. I thought about it for a moment and realized that the days I need more love and comfort are the days she usually needs more of them too. Whether it's because I go into my cave and do not pay as much attention to her or because she gets a clear read on my feelings and becomes empathetic to them, she always seems to feel frustrated when I'm frustrated, angry when I'm angry and exhausted when I'm exhausted.
So, there I am waiting for the tub to fill, thinking about my very long day when I realize that as I am on the toilet, my toddler has squeezed her way in between my legs and has been nursing the entire time. She was all contorted so she could reach it better and her little neck was all stretched out. It was so funny. But, like I said, she was having a day too and wanted comfort every moment she could get it (she climbed on to me just a few seconds ago and is nursing as I type right now). I started laughing and went off into a daydream- very much like J.D. from Scrubs- about other nursing moms having moments like these and how there should be Mom Olympics and then I imagined moms in all kinds of funny/painful/strange nursing situations with their kids on a stage with judges looking on and awarding me the gold medal for determination and stamina. Two and a half years later. And even while on the toilet.
"Life changes sometimes."
Yes new moms, it certainly does.