I went to take of #2's diaper to put him on the potty and there was a surprise poop in there. I really dislike suprise poops because they throw me off my momma game. It's not a planned poop diaper change where you have the new diaper ready with the wipes with baby on his back and the strategic toy ready to divert him from wanting to run away with his pants by his ankles. He was standing up, with a goopy piece of poop hanging from his butt and a dirty diaper by his ankles on the floor. I grabbed his wrist firmly so he wouldn't move while I leaned over to grap a baby wipe and in the second it took me to do that he had peed all over the floor. As I let out a deep sigh and a "gosh darnit!!!" he grabbed the potty that apparently my daughter had peed in and not flushed down the toilet and poured it on top of his pee puddle on the bathroom floor. Then my daughter comes in and starts taking off her clothes for the bath and drops all her clothing in the mixed puddle of his and her pee. She was complaining the water was too hot so she started whining and crying and my son was crying because he was naked and had poop on his butt and pee mix all over his feet. And my feet and socks were full of pee mix too. This all happened in the span of two minutes while getting ready for bath time in our family bathroom. All in a momma's day's work. I'm having quite a laugh about it now as I write but I'm pretty sure there was actually smoke and flames from the sides of my head as it was all going down.
Later as we played in their playroom, I watched them go about their serious work (which for children is, of course, play). They looked so beautiful and sweet. I dropped into a daydream while I sat there at their wooden toddler table about how they had both chosen me to be their mother. I thought that I could have been a mother to so many different possible beings. I could have easily gotten pregnant by one of a few serious boyfriends in my life- in a couple of cases I actually wanted to. But I can't picture their faces. I can't imagine having given birth to anyone but these two little souls.
At that moment, I felt like my life had an overwhelming and mysterious sense of purpose. Like I met my husband and we fell in love simply because my two children had a deep urge and longing to be born. It all felt like destiny. And I went as far back as I could with that idea... I pictured their longing and my longing mixed together to have brought my mom and dad together and my husband's as well and our grandparents and their parents, until I couldn't picture anyone anymore. I went so far back in my mind that I just reached a oneness. A void. Where everyone's longing lived and where pure potential was born. This was the way that my kids brought the eternal to me today. They do in some way or another every day. Today's way was sweet... an unexpected and dreamy meditation.
Sometimes it all feels worth those two minutes of crazy that come too often.